We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
