I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Welp...herpes.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
