He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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