I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
