I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
