I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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