Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
