You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
