No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
