She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
