my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We need to get me chipped asap
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
