is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You're like the curious george of whores
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
