I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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