omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
