Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he was CRYING into my vagina
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
