I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
