I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Every concussion has its silver lining
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
