the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You're like the curious george of whores
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
