I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
