i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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