i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
