we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
