So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
