What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm eating all of the evidence.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
