i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
