Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
