apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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