Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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