Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
