He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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