I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Randomize
