I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
