Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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