Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
