are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
