And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
