Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
