He disabled his match.com account in front of me
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He shit in the fireplace
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
