I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
