I am in a vortex of obligation.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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