apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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