Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There r osticjed everywhere
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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