You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
