dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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