i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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