Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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