Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
