I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
