He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
