Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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