I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
