My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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