i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
